I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Sext me about skeletons
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
