Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
