Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
