I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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