i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
