We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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