saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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