we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
