I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
