What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
