Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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