Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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