can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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