I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
it was like eating out sand paper
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize