Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Randomize
