I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
