Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
