What a fucking waste of an outfit
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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