I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
