you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
