3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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