btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
