Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize