glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
