I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
