I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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