He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
