I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
