I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Please don't give away my fajitas
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
