I saw his package. It spoke to me.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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