how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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