What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
