Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
