seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
