Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
