Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
