Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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