I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I need water and some morals
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
