I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
