what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize