I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Randomize
