Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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