No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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