OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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