Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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