I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
