I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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