He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
