i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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