Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
