how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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