I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
