well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
