The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
