We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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