I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
