So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
