I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
