Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
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