the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
