Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
