her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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