her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
