So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
