The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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