Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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