Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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