I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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