he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
