Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
