Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
