god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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