Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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