All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
