I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
