We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize