if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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