she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize