The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
