Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
