You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
