he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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