He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
