Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
