my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
