You really coming over, don't trick.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
