I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
