I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Never joke about your clitoris.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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