How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize