her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
the condom got lost in my hair
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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