I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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