so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize