dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
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