Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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