i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
