or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Are we still banned from the library?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
